Intrinsic Reputation

The concept of self-esteem has been used and abused to the point of being meaningless to most. What started as a legitimate psychological discipline has eroded to delusional self-affirmations like: "I am wildly successful", and "I am sending 'vibrations' out so that the universe is going to reward me today" and so on. These are nothing more than frivolous words designed to trick oneself into thinking they have done something useful to actually achieve their desires. These words are a far-cry from what is actually needed to build on what used to be conceptualized as self-esteem. What does it mean to actually "esteem" something? It means to hold it in high regard - to value it.

The trouble that challenges all who drown in social media inebriation and comparison-culture is that with everything screaming its value, it is easy to lose a calibration on what actually is worthy of esteem.

We need a measuring stick for what to actually "value" - And, most importantly, we need to know which of our own pursuits, behaviours and notions are contributing to healthy progress and which do nothing more than add to the chaos that is emerging from the void of value.

I would like to propose that we need to look more inward. We need to focus less on what we think others will think of us and MORE on what we will think of ourselves. Naturally, this requires as much rationality as one can muster in order to not get too self-indulgent and blind, but at this point, we are less at risk for becoming too self-aware than at becoming too self-neglected.

My position is to put aside all of the external validation that modern culture seems to emphasize. Let's call that the extrinsic reputation.

Our own behaviour can ACTUALLY make us 'wildly successful' or it can lead to total chaos. But, it's going to take a LOT more than some repeating affirmations. It comes to choices. Choices big and small, but it is usually the small choices we make can make all the difference. We need to recognize ways to hammer value-wedges between competing choices.

Here's why: "Being good for goodness sake" is not just a happy line in a Christmas song... it has REAL meaning. I promise I won't moralize. The goal here is to truly internalize a sense of worth - of value to oneself BEFORE positioning to be of value to others. It's not about putting on a show. I am calling it "intrinsic reputation".

The difference between choice A and choice B sometimes is so dramatic that choice A is the 180 degree opposite of choice B. Those ones are just plain obvious! Yet, sometimes, the difference is initially just a small acute angle... let's call it a 9 degree angle which if you have been to San Francisco, you'll know to be the angle of some of the steepest climbs in the city. 9 degrees all by itself just does not seem that much if you hold it in your hand... BUT over enough distance and time, it can take you WAY up (or WAY down). Heading in the wrong direction by just 9 degrees can lead to total chaos, and SO FAR from the "wildly successful" affirmation you promised yourself, that it can sometimes be unrecoverable.

Think of how a series of small choices can add up and then compound. The result can devastate a person's self-worth and should not be taken lightly.

But what do most people say to justify some thoughtless choice that perhaps gains a temporary fix, a temporary high, a temporary win, but at the expense of larger values? We hear:?

"I'll never get caught"
"No one will know except me"

These are the sentiments of a loser.

Only I will know. Really?

Let's follow that through:

• "Only I will know that I snuck access to something I should not have"
• "Only I will know that I breached the trust of someone in a way that they probably will never know"
• "Only I will know that I cheated on the test"
• "Only I will know that I cut corners in my business dealings"
• "Only I will know that I lied about my actions"
• "Only I will know that I did something that people I respect would dislike me for if they knew!"... (but I am NOT going to worry about that, because "Only I will know")
• "My reputation will not be hurt, because ONLY I WILL KNOW that I did X"

This last point is the most important.

Saying, "only I will know" forgets something VERY important about life.

That is this:

YOU. YOU WILL KNOW.

YOU will know that you chose the bad way.

You will know that you ignored your self-opinion to do something bad.

YET, in the words of one of my early mentors, Nathaniel Branden, one's "reputation" with one's self is by far the MOST IMPORTANT REPUTATION that YOU will ever have.

Protect the reputation you have with yourself.

Take pride in how you conduct yourself, how you communicate, how you exercise fairness and consideration of others. Be confident that you have taken the high road. That high road will of course be the 'road less travelled', but take it anyway. It will also be less crowded!

When you are old and are looking back on your life, make sure you can look back and say to yourself: "YES, I did good" not: "no - I was disaster"

Warren Buffett gives us all a very simple way to know if some contemplated action is good or not. He says: "For any contemplated action, ask yourself: 'how would I feel about this action being published in tomorrow's newspaper, for all my friends and family and associates to see'? Then, if the answer is 'I'd feel ashamed', do NOT do it. And if the answer is 'I'd feel proud', definitely consider doing it. Do it to grow and build "instrinsic reputation". The pride of goodness is intoxicatingly powerful to propel us forward and give lift to our wings.

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